The Emotion and the Response
by too many stars to count
Summary: This is their first Christmas out of Hogwarts but they've been having this party, in some form or another, since Third Year. R/S, background L/J


The Emotion and the Response

This is their first Christmas out of Hogwarts but they've been having this party, in some form or another, since Third Year.

Sirius _loves_ Christmas. The way he smiles at the decorations and the enthusiasm with which he sings carols always reminds Remus of a small child. Once December rolls around there is not stopping Sirius' Christmas cheer and God help anyone who resists. Their dorm was always covered in decorations and Sirius' bed absolutely dripped with them.

He was also unfairly good at picking out gifts. Sirius could, and did, spend hours thinking of the perfect gift for someone. It was an intuition that had yet to fail him. In the past six years Remus had received two wonderful, warm, jumpers, a new coat, his very own Wizarding Chess set, and two rare first editions of impossibly hard to find books. Sirius' gifts were always expensive, extreme, and perfect. Remus couldn't imagine what this year would bring and all of the other Marauders had long since given up on beating Sirius at gift giving. They had never stood a chance.

This year though, Lily had planned their Christmas party and from what Remus has seen, she's giving Sirius a run for his money.

When they arrive at the house she shares with James there are three enchanted snowmen in the front yard waving cheerfully. Sirius, usually so jealous when others try to beat him at his own game, waves back and excitedly wonders what sort of charm Lily used. He stops across the snowy yard to get a better look at them. Remus leaves Sirius to it and knocks on the door.

"Remus!" Lily hugs him before he's even in the door. Sirius, realizing he's been left alone outside, abandons the snowmen and follows him inside. He's so complementary of the snowmen that Lily ignores the fact that Sirius is dragging snow all over the hallway that Remus is sure she has just cleaned.

"I'd ask you for the charm but it wouldn't work very well for us since Remus and I are in the flat." Sirius begins to unwind his scarf, still talking about decorations, and Remus goes to find James. There's only so much talk about Christmas decorations a bloke can be expected to handle.

Of course Remus is also ridiculously in love with his best mate and drooling over Sirius just because he's taking his coat off would be beyond awkward. It's a situation that seems to sum up the past few years of Remus' life.

o0o

It started some time near the end of Sixth Year.

By that point Remus had worked out that he liked boys as well as girls, though he kept it to himself. At first nothing seemed odd. Sirius had been his roommate for six years after all without Remus feeling anything aside from friendship towards the other boy. Then he realized one morning, as Sirius and James were running around at the last minute getting dressed, that Sirius had a nice chest. Very nice, probably from being a beater on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And what was so weird about thinking a bloke was handsome? Even if that bloke was Sirius. It didn't mean anything. Of course it didn't.

A week later though, when Remus found himself admiring Sirius' ass during a prank, he knew something was going on. But really, he just happened to be attractive, that was all. It was nothing.

By the time exams rolled around Remus had given up on denials. He was in love with one of his best friends. Going home for summer was something of a relief; he wasn't sure he could stand watching Sirius flirt shamelessly with boys in the Common Room for much longer before he would go insane. It always made Remus grit his teeth and ignore any and everyone around him in a desperate attempt to not notice what Sirius was doing. Eventually, if he wasn't careful, someone would put two and two together and realize why he was always so weird around Sirius and his latest conquest. He needed to get away for a bit. Summer break would do him good.

Possibly the fact that Sirius was completely open about being gay should have relaxed Remus, should have made him think he had a chance. It didn't.

Sirius went through boys like underwear and constantly told everyone that relationships were pointless, he was just in it for the sex. That wasn't true and all four Marauder's knew it, but they also knew nothing would change until Sirius found the right guy. That guy clearly wasn't Remus and the idea of his friends finding out about his crush made him feel sick. It could ruin friendships he still had a hard time believing he hadn't made up.

So he did the only thing he could think of. He hid it.

When they graduated Remus had been hesitant to live with Sirius at first, so much potential to ruin things, but in the end it's hardly been a choice at all. Getting a good job in the Wizarding world was almost impossible for Remus because of his condition. It pained him to admit it, even to himself, but the jobs he could get wouldn't be enough to afford having his own flat.

How could he have said no? Especially when the alternative was living with his parents.

And things had been _fine_. Remus knew how to control himself after nearly three years of this and if he was careful he could keep everything going just fine. He didn't need to date Sirius, but he did need him as a friend and nothing was worth risking that.

o0o

He finds James in the kitchen. "Lily's letting you cook?" Remus asks with raised eyebrows. James is a notoriously awful cook and they hardly let him in the kitchen to collect snacks let alone make dinner for a party.

"I'm just stirring!" James says defensively. A pot begins to bubble ominously though and Remus rushes over.

_"How_ did you manage in Potions again, Prongs?" Only James could ruin pudding that comes in a _pouch_.

"It's different." James insists, pouting a little as Remus does his best to save various dishes. He leans against the counter, defeated.

"Sure it is, Prongs, sure it is." Remus turns away from the stove top, all of the pots are sizzling happily though he needed to start a new batch of pudding. "Lily would have killed you herself if you'd ruin dinner and then there'd be blood all over your new floors. _What_ she was thinking..."

"Did you see the snowmen she put outside?" James asks looking much more cheerful now that dinner is back under control.

"Of course. I think she and Sirius are trading spells, God help us all."

o0o

Remus and Sirius had arrived early to help set up and decorate, Peter had gotten stuck at work, but by nightfall the house is packed.

People are drinking and dancing and having a blast. Gideon Prewett is laughing from his place by the wireless which he changes every so often to avoid adverts and just get music. Remus grins at Peter and the dark haired girl he'd brought to the party before making his way towards the kitchen. "Lils? Do you need help bringing dinner out?"

He's about to cross into the kitchen when Lily appears pushing him back. "Just a minute, Remus." She gives him the mischievous smile James fell in love with. "I need to make an announcement, give us a sec." Remus shrugs and steps back into the living room with everyone else.

"Excuse me everyone!" For a small girl Lily has always known how to get people's attention. The party stops, Gideon clicking the wireless off, and all eyes are on Lily. "Thank you!" She smiles around at them all. "First of all I'd like to thank everyone for coming tonight. I know it's dangerous out there these days and James and I are grateful you're here." Everyone raises their glasses solemnly in a silent toast. No one says it but there are familiar faces missing from the party tonight. They're not even a year out of school and one of their year mates, Ruth, is gone.

"Tonight is about celebrating, though. Dinner will be out in a few minutes." Lily tells them eliciting cheers. Sirius actually whistles and Remus is caught between rolling his eyes and being ridiculously turned on. He settles for doing both.

"But, before that, I have a surprise for everyone!" Lily flourishes her wand and a sprig of mistletoe appears in the arch above her head. Another flourish and a parchment tacks itself to the wall. Remus can see another identical looking piece just inside the kitchen. "The parchment has all the rules, but just remember this; there's no way out of that doorway without kissing whoever is with you!" She grins impishly, looking extremely pleased with herself, and ducks into the kitchen to collect dishes.

Immediately they crowd around the parchment.

"I've got it!" Sirius yells, waving the parchment above his head. "Give me a minute, I'll read it aloud.

_Mistletoe Tradition_

_In honor of the holiday season we'll_

_honor the tradition of kissing under_

_the mistletoe. Below at the rules._

_Have fun!_

_(But not too much! At least not in our living room)_

_1. The archway will trap you if another person is beneath it_

_at the same time. You must kiss to be released._

_2. In the spirit of fairness you are being given options as listed_

_below._

_A) Kiss them on the lips and be done with it._

_B) Kiss them on the nose, cheek, forehead ect. They must kiss you_

_in return in order to free both of you from the arch._

_Enjoy!_

Remus has to give Lily credit, this is hilarious.

For a while everyone dashes through the arch desperately trying to avoid getting caught. Peter makes a rather spectacular dive at one point to avoid being trapped with James and gets a round of applause when he narrowly avoids bashing his head into the refrigerator.

Then, it happens. Fabian gets stuck under the mistletoe with Alice during an ill-timed kitchen run. He kisses her cheek noisily, grinning at Frank who grins back ruefully. She stands on tip toes to return his kiss and they're free.

Just like that the mistletoe stops being an issue. Remus gets stuck with both Lily and James separately. He kisses them both on the cheek. Lily returns his kiss but James kisses the top of those nose, calls him "bunny", and Remus has to laugh.

Everyone has great fun watching people get trapped. Peter gives his lady a chaste kiss while Lily and James are told to get a room. Meanwhile Sirius gives everyone he's trapped with dramatic cheek kisses with fluttering lashes and elegant hand waves.

Remus is careful to avoid getting tapped with Sirius, but Remus is always careful with him so even that's okay. They all laugh at Peter's face when he gets stuck with James. Sirius and James however make the whole room roll with laughter as they give one another ridiculously extravagant cheek kisses, and then forehead kisses, and then nose kisses until Lily wonders aloud if she's the one James is really in love with.

After more than a few nights of fire whiskey-induced madness the Marauders have all kissed one another a few times. Even after Sirius came out right before their spring holiday Fifth Year nothing had changed. They were the Marauders, end of story. Peter and Remus had never cared much and God knows Sirius and James made an outright game of it.

The last time Remus had kissed Sirius was just over a year ago, on Halloween night as Seventh Years. He had gotten embarrassingly hard from a two second kiss, even for being 17. Remus had decided then and there that he couldn't risk letting it happen again, especially not when he was drunk. He hadn't been very keen about kissing someone he was in love with who thought the whole thing was a joke anyways.

So Remus diligently dodges Sirius, always aware of how close the other man is to the mistletoe. He's caught under the mistletoe three more times; again with Lily, and then once with each Prewett brother. Fabian kisses him jokingly on the lips and Remus blushes at their friends cat calls.

Then Peter shouts a question at Remus as he goes to find more drinks. He shouts back, turning his head without slowing down, and _bam_ he's trapped. His stomach drops as he meets dancing grey eyes. _When_ had Sirius come back from the loo? "Bound to happen, Moony, eh?" Sirius smiles and Remus ignores the pull in his stomach. With much production Sirius drops a kiss on each of Remus' cheeks and then bows to him with a flourishing hand motion.

Remus does not move. "Moony?" Sirius' grin falters. "Hey, Moony, c'mon get us out of here, yeah?" He looks confused and a little worried.

By now most of the party is staring at them made curious by the delay. _Gryffindor courage, right?_ Remus thinks wryly. He kisses Sirius on the lips. It's not a deep kiss, but it's slow, and it's definitely more than friendly. His hand brushes Sirius' hipbone, startling even Remus, and it's over, both of them stepping back.

To their credit, everyone else tries to pretend nothing has happened. Remus rushes to the bathroom leaving Sirius alone in the arch looking dumbstruck.

Remus locks the door, looks in the mirror, and calls himself ten kinds of stupid. _What_ has he done? It's not as if he has to _live with Sirius_ or anything.

Still. It _was_ a fantastic kiss.

o0o

If Remus was avoiding Sirius before it's nothing to what he's doing now.

When he comes back to the party Sirius starts purposefully towards him. Remus ducks under Frank's arm and behind the Christmas tree. Sirius continues to follow him until Remus actually apparates into the kitchen to avoid letting their paths cross. After that Sirius watches him with a hurt look on his face, but he keeps his distance. Remus talks to his friends and former classmates and tries to pretend nothing weird is happening.

Remus isn't stupid. He knows this can't last. Eventually he will have to go home after all. Still, he feels he can't be blamed for wanting to prolong what is probably the end of his closest friendship.

o0o

Far too soon the party ends.

James waves Peter and his date out the door with a great deal of suggestive eyebrow waggling. Peter blushes like there's no tomorrow but he looks pleased too. James shuts the door, takes one look at Remus and Sirius who had volunteered before hand to help clean up, and makes a beeline for the kitchen mumbling something about helping Lily with the dishes.

"Thanks, Prongs!" Sirius calls after him. "Nice show of backbone!"

"Sorry! Can't hear you!" James yells back. "The kitchen's weird like that!" There's silence for a minute and then, "Don't ruin that living room! I just painted the walls!"

Remus, diligently cleaning up used cups, grins despite himself. "I promise not to ruin the living room if you do." He looks up, wary and hopeful, and Sirius nods, his mouth a thin line. Remus hopes they can deal with this at home and not in their friend's living room.

A minute later, when Sirius drags him by his shirt under the mistletoe effectively trapping him, he realizes that's not the case. "We're going to talk about this." Sirius says firmly, letting go of Remus' clothes.

"We'll be in the backyard if you need us!" Lily yells cheerfully and they hear the kitchen door slam. Now they've chased them out of their own home. Wonderful.

"There's nothing to talk about." Remus says calmly. He _needs_ to stay in control right now. If he can just keep his emotions from getting the best of him, he may have a chance at fixing things. "It wasn't a big deal. Let's finish up here and go home." Remus knows their friendship is most likely over, but he's not giving up without a fight or a plan. And his plan involves pretending this never happened. Admittedly, it's not much of a plan, but he hasn't had a great deal of time to formulate it. This is what being rash gets you.

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Bollocks it isn't a big deal! That wasn't just a kiss!"

"Oh for the love of – " Remus kisses his cheek keeping their bodies carefully apart. "Are you really going to hold me captive here? Just kiss my cheek so we can go!"

It's as if he hadn't spoken. "You don't even like boys!" Sirius shouts. "So what were you _doing_?" Sirius' skin, normally so pale, flushes with agitation.

Remus swallows and looks down. "I like both." He says with a small shrug to the floorboards. "I didn't think it was a big deal so I never said anything." That and he didn't want anyone to even think about the possibility he may have fallen for Sirius.

"You could have told us." Sirius says softly. "We wouldn't have cared, Moony. You know that."

"It doesn't matter, Sirius, Don't worry about it, okay?"

Sirius doesn't answer. Instead he cups the back of Remus' neck. Remus stands perfectly still, unsure of what's happening. There is the ghost of a smile on Sirius' face, and then they are kissing. It is so much more than the kiss he gave Sirius earlier and his senses are overwhelmed.

Then his brain comes to it's senses and he pushes away. "That was kind," he says, stepping into the kitchen, the spell now satisfied. "But you didn't need to.

"James! Lily!" He calls out the back door. "You can come in! I had a great time. I'm sorry if I've ruined things." There are so many things Remus could have ruined that he doesn't bother to specify. "I'll see you in a few days for Christmas Eve, yeah?" Without waiting for an answer Remus turns on the spot and goes home.

o0o

Sirius is only a few minutes behind him – surely he had his own goodbyes to say – but by then Remus is safely in his bedroom. He sits on his bed and tries to calm down.

"What the fuck was _that_?" Sirius demands, not even bothering to knock. "What the fuck is your problem, Moony?" He runs a distracted hand through his hair. Sirius is beautiful to Remus, even angry, and he looks away from him in shame.

"Oh, no." Sirius stomps over and tilts Remus' face towards his. "We're talking about this." His grey eyes are flashing and Remus heaves a sigh. He knew this was coming.

"You were trying to spare my feelings, with the kiss, but it's okay Padfoot. You don't have to, I understand." The next words are physically painful to say but Remus forces them out anyways. "I can move out, if you'd like." He can't bear to look at Sirius so he looks at his own hands, clenched in his lap, instead. "I won't be able to get a new place until after the holidays," Yeah, right. He'll have to move back home for sure. "But I'm sure James and Lily would let me kip in their spare room. And Pete's got that couch that turns into a bed. I can leave tonight if you like, it won't take me long to pack."

"Leave? Move out?" Very suddenly Sirius is sitting on the floor next to Remus' bed. "You're not going anywhere!" He grabs Remus' hand roughly. "Dammit, Remus, is it that hard to believe I fancy you?"

"What?" He must be hearing things.

Sirius gives him an exasperated smile. "I fancy you. I'd like to get into your pants." He says and Remus feels himself blush. "I'd like to shove my – "

"Sirius, don't." Remus says automatically. "You don't have to do this."

"Oh, for – " Sirius rolls his eyes and kisses him again pulling Remus' head down to meet his. Remus knows he should pull away but he can't bring himself to. Finally Sirius ends the kiss but keeps hold of Remus' hand.

"Really?" This can't be happening. Remus cannot _believe_ this is happening.

"Really." Sirius is smiling so wide that it wouldn't even look real on anyone else's face. On Sirius' it is the most perfect thing Remus has ever seen. "I would have done something ages ago if I'd any idea you fancied blokes."

He pulls Sirius onto the bed, kissing him again. Sirius rolls on top of him and mutters charms between kisses. Suddenly they are both shirtless and Remus gives a soft laugh against Sirius' mouth. His hands have just begun exploring when Sirius pulls back, getting off of the bed with a groan. Remus makes a soft noise of protest.

"Sorry," Sirius says with a grin that makes Remus want to pull him right back into bed. "I promised Prongs I'd floo to let him know we didn't kill one another."

Remus can find no real objection there. "You may want to put a shirt on," Remus suggests cheekily, stretching on the bed.

"Moony, Moony, Moony," Sirius shakes his head. "Prongs is a big boy. He knows that when two men love each other very much – " Sirius stops, face paling as his own words wash over him. Remus just smiles and rolls onto his side.

"Go and floo him now, before I decide not to let you back in bed."

Sirius grins wickedly. "Moony, I _really_ don't think that's a concern."

And, Remus realizes and Sirius kneels in front of the fireplace in his room, that's completely true.


End file.
